it amazes me that my mind wonders to you

We all miss the love we once had.

it lingers on our mind, like their kiss lingers on our lips

or their touch lingers on our skin...

triggered by a smell, an emotion that we never thought would be close to how we once felt,

triggered by the holiday that you spent together...

triggered by the memory of them telling you they would be there forever...

 the wounds have healed

the hurt that was once so painful

is only memory

just like the blue eyes that made everything ok.

moving on...

its all a blur

i loved you and you loved me

but i would of loved you a thousand years

while your love was conditional

id go back and do it a thousand times over

but i would never ask for it back.

nor would i wish it on anyone else

Five years.

it took me to let you go

and ill never ask for that time back

because just like the boy before you

ive learned.

ive learned my love is worth a heart just as strong mine

it amazes me that my mind wonders to you.

i havent thought of you in months

but ive almost loved someone

i wouldve moved mountians for

 if he would of told me they were standing in his way

but he didnt

and that intuition that was once used as a weapon for you

is being used as a sheild

because im afraid someone else has the oppertunity

i can only wish for at this point.

just a thought or two!

we spent all night together, laughing at nothing&
talking too much, & the moonlight was so bright in
your eyes, before I knew it I was falling in love

--------------------------------------

I miss him.

No I don't miss him.
I miss the fun we used to have.

the time we spent in the dark,

laughing so hard we cried

I miss having someone to hold me

I miss having someone to talk to about the future.

they say love comes to you when your not looking

but I can't not look.

its all I've ever wanted.

Someone to love me.

I want to build a life with one man.

I want to have a family of my own.

I want to have that fairytale ending.

I know that that there will be up and downs

and im not looking for a perfect life...

im looking for a full life

one that will remind me that its not all a dream

the tears. the laughter. a heart so full of love.

my heart is full of love.

but im talking about a different love.

The first boy i loved....

couldnt love me back.

the second boy i loved....

showed me how amazing it was to be loved back.

but it was the strength of my love that scared him

he felt like he was unworthy of such love

yet he only proved himself to be right

i have almost loved.

more than a couple times...

but intuition is a powerful thing

that can be used as both a sheild and a weapon.

and the older i get the more aware i am of it.

i only wish the bricks that i use to gaurd my heart didnt harden

everytime i let someone in only for them to let me down.

the next man i love...
will be just that a man 

someone worthy of my love

and one who wont run when things get rough

a man who will want to take a disagreement as an oppertunity

to find one more reason to love me...

because I am me.

-------------------------------------------------

i want to be your
favorite hello & hardest goodbye ♥

closer... thats all im looking for.

You crushed every inch of faith I had in you, if you knew how crushing this feeling was then you would understand. But you dont. I had said alot of thing in anger before, but im not angry right now, im honest with myself when i say, you will always think your the 'victim' but your not. your the problem your the reason why things turn out the way  you wanted.

I've given up on telling myself everything's okay
Given up on trying
Given up on you.

---------------------------------

It's almost been a week.

The hurt and anger is wearing off and

 the void you filled is starting to empty.

I havent talked to him in 2 days

I'm so sick & tired of acting like i'm fine, cus truthfully, i'm not.
I can't even talk to you without being so incredibly sad. You were the one
person who was always supposed to be there for me, one of my best friends,
my everything.. & you ruined it all in that moment & i acted like it
didn't hurt, & for a while, i didn't think it did..but the tears are here &
i now realize that it hurt more than anything

--------------------------------------------------

Today is day two.
Yesterday was easy. But I was sick. I slept all day.

Today on the other hand i feel weak.

Why? I have no reason to feel this way.

Although I cant say I wouldn't give him yet another chance!

And Why the hell would I give him another chance?

to my head it makes no sense but to my heart its a totally different story.

I turn the lights out and I am reminded of the empty space beside me.

I wake up wanting to talk about the dreams i had.

I go to sleep still wanting the same arms that broke my heart.
How does this make sense?

My head vs My heart

Its been years since i had such a broken heart.

Its been even longer that i have opened my heart like that.

You Love and you Learn

When do you get to Live in Love?

...I know I know its all in time...

But that doesn't stop the hurt.

 that doesn't heal my heart any quicker.

Humiliation.

Its a funny thing.

You take a leap of faith on someone you love.

You give them opportunity after opportunity

and what do you get?

Humiliation.

-----------------------------

&& she finally told him how she felt. she
downright spilled her heart out. .. & she
prayed to herself that he would care, but
he just walked away as she silently stood
there..